Portal 2
by GLaDOS314
Summary: A retelling of Portal 2 in the first person. It's something we've all seen before, but I felt like it. I'm going all the way to the end, though. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"Good morning. You have been in suspension for -fifty- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise," a voice woke me up. Where was I? I remembered being outside and then… oh. A robotic voice had said, "Thank you for assuming the Party Escort Submission Position," and then nothing. I had blacked out. It had sounded like a Party Escort Bot, and that meant. Crap. I was back in Aperture wasn't I?

Well this was great. I got up.

"You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling," the buzzer sounded. I looked at the ceiling. "Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor," the buzzer. I looked at the floor and tried to think of a way out of here.

"Good, this completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise," Wow, that was _so_ hard. This new announcer was more predictable than GLaDOS. Who was hopefully actually dead. After "Still Alive" I wasn't entirely sure I'd really killed her properly.

"There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it," Great. Now I got to stare at art.

"This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art," Amazing. The Announcer now gets first prize for Captain Obvious. I stared at the art. At least it wasn't something like whoever drew "The cake is a lie," on the wall would draw.

"You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect that staring at art has not provided the necessary intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music," The music wasn't bad either. Except for the fact that it was cut off by the buzzer.

"Good. Now please return to your bed," when Android Hell freezes over. I went to the door. It was locked, and no amount of ramming could bust it down. I checked the bathroom. Still nothing. I was starting to feel unnaturally tired. Judging from the fact that I had been asleep for the past fifty days (or so the Announcer said), I was pretty sure that something had been put into the air.

By the time I was done searching, I felt so tired that I was ready to [REDACT] my earlier statement about Android Hell. I got into the bed. I would try again next time.


	2. The Courtesy Call, Part 1

**Chapter 1: The Courtesy Call**

I was woken up once again by the Announcer. But this time something was different. For one, I was alert. For two, I was starving. For three, the Announcer's message was rather alarming.

"Good morning. You have been in suspension for -nine nine nine nine nine... nine ni _(continues repeating behind the following:)_- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should vacate the Enrichment Center immediately. Any test subject not emerging from suspension at this time will be assumed to have exercised his or her right to remain in extended relaxation, for the duration of the destruction of this facility. If you have questions or concerns regarding this policy, or if you require a Spanish-language version of this message, feel free to take a complimentary piece of stationery from the desk drawer in front of you, and write us a letter. Good luck," he said. Vacate? That didn't sound good. Maybe Android Hell had frozen over. Or maybe GLaDOS baked a cake. Those were both things I'd pay money to see.

"Hello? Anyone in there?" Someone was out there who sounded human. Then again, both GLaDOS' Intelligence Core and her Curiosity Core had sounded fairly human.

"Are you going to open the door? At any time?" he said again. I was undecided. It could be another human or it could be one of Aperture's tricks.

"Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta-no. Um..." whoever it was wasn't very smart.

"Fine! No, absolutely fine. It's not like I don't have, you know, ten thousand other test subjects begging me to help them escape. You know, it's not like this place is about to EXPLODE!" That was interesting. Maybe this place actually did run on nuclear energy. That would explain why it had lasted through so much deterioration

"Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte," Oh. Maybe letting whoever it was in would be a good idea. If I was the last subject, then there was no one else left to save. Then again, I was in Aperture. Against my own better judgement, I opened the door.

"HA. I knew someone was ali-AH. Oh my God you look terribl- ummm… good. Good looking actually," It was a personality core. Probably one of GLaDOS'. He had a bright blue optic and a british accent. Not one of the cores I incinerated. As for the terrible comment, I has just woken up. My hair was probably a ratts nest. He had to cut me some slack. I looked around. It was much darker than the first time I woke up.

"Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow," what was he talking about? Why did I need to take it slow. And what was it that I needed to take slow in the first place. Nothing in Aperture makes sense.

I went to stand by the art. It seemed that whatever was making me tired was out of the air. That was good.

"Please prepare for emergency evacuation," the Announcer said. Great.

"Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here," said the personality core. I decided to call him Blue. Mostly because that was his eye color, and I didn't know what his original function was. He slid along his management rail into a slot in the ceiling.

"Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you," he said as the slot closed behind him. I heard whirring noises, and the room started to vibrate. I looked at the art again. It was a night sce- wait a second. I could've sworn it had been a day scene last time I woke up. What the heck? Paintings can't change, can they? Then again, I was in Aperture.

"You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?" Blue came out of the ceiling. "Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for… quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of… serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage." that's funny. I didn't feel brain damaged. In fact, I felt pretty good. I didn't feel alarmed either. Blue probably didn't know what he was talking about.

"Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'," I almost did say yes. Then I remembered. I had taken a vow never to utter a word to any AI or robot that came from Aperture. It didn't matter how nice he seemed, Aperture made him. I jumped instead to let him know that he had my attention at least.

"Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'" I jumped again. "OK,You know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight," he went back into the ceiling.

"All reactor core safeguards are now non functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown," the Announcer again. Couldn't he give good news for once? At least now I knew that Android Hell hadn't frozen over. And GLaDOS hadn't baked a cake. Dang. I really wanted cake, as long as it wasn't the Intelligence Core's recipe. Suddenly, the room started to move. Like actually move. Not the vibrating from earlier. I nearly fell over. Nothing else did, though. It must've all been bolted down. Blue started ranting as he tried to move the room, utterly failing to keep us from crashing several times.

"Okay, look, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in pretty hot water here. How you doing down there? You still holding on? The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test on! This is a bit tricky!" he crashed, and the room started to fall apart, "And of course nobody tells ME anything. Noooo. Why should they tell me anything? Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?" ten thousand? That's enough people to rebuild a society. "Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?" he crashed again, "Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here… Okay, I've just gotta concentrate! And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?" oh. Maybe not enough people to rebuild a society, then. Darn darn darn darny darn, "Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one..." he had crashed yet again. "Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks - and no one's gonna ask, don't worry - but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead," at least I wouldn't be telling a lie. Vegetable doesn't mean dead. It means coma that you can't wake up out of. I was thinking on that when he rammed us into a wall. Literally. He rammed us straight into a wall!

"Good news: That is not a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!" he rammed us into the wall again. Really, was he trying to get us killed?

"Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!" I didn't need to figure it out. There was only one gun I knew of that made holes that weren't bullet holes. The Portal Gun. The perfect device to use in an escape from Aperture. He rammed us into the wall one last time, and actually managed to ram through it.

When the room stopped, I went forward, not even bothering to listen to what Blue said next. It was the same basic course I had gone through the first time. I knew how to solve these tests. I crashed through the glass roof of the stasis chamber.

"Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control. However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse. The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three, two, one," the Portal opened. I could see myself through it. I really was a mess. My stomach grumbled again.

I went through the chambers easily. I had already solved most of them. Then I got to the test that should have the single Portal device. It had been completely destroyed, and the Portal Gun was nowhere in sight.

"Hey hey! You made it! There should be a portal device on that podium over there. I can't see it though... Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go and have a quick look?" I went over. Two steps out, the floor gave way. I fell into a pool of dirty, stagnant water.

"Whoa! Hello? Can you see the portal gun? Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first. I'm-do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead. I'll wait-I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead." at least he showed concern about whether I was alive or not. A trait most Aperture 'bots don't have.

I went forward. The Portal Gun was on a raised platform with a walkway leading to it, as if someone had put it there. The walls were covered in drawings. One of them in particular caught my eyes. It was a picture of me asleep in stasis. I looked at it. It was incredibly detailed, as if the person who had drawn it had known me personally. I shuddered. Now the creepy drawing guy was a stalker. Brilliant.

And he had seen me defeat GLaDOS, I realized after looking at the others. There were depictions of Bring Your Daughter to Work Day and my final battle with her. I went up to get the Portal Gun. An orange Portal popped up. I shot the blue one. I was thankful to get out of the weird room. I got back up to the normal testing tracts by shooting just blue Portals. The orange Portals that had originally been in chambers with High Energy Pellets were still functioning. I got through some more of the undestroyed tests. When I got to chamber 7, though, the wall separating it from chamber 8 had been destroyed. Blue was on the other side.

"Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here! Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave," except I wasn't brain damaged. I was just really stubborn. "Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room."

I Portaled (that is utterly and completely a real word) over to him.

"Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing," the scientists had lied to him. Not surprising considering how much of a moron Blue was turning out to be. All the Cores had backup batteries.

"On three. Ready? One… two…" he suddenly back up at the same time he said, "Three!"

"That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that- Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?"ONE Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme" he popped off, but I failed to catch him.

"OW," so they can feel pain. Good to know. I made a mental note to keep that in mind next time I saw a Turret.

"I. Am. Not. Dead,. I'm not dead" he laughed, and I picked him up using the anti-gravity function. It was like a much weaker version of the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator, something else Black Mesa stole from Aperture. It was used so that subjects could pick up Weighted Storage Cubes while holding the Portal Gun.

"Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this," I'd be impressed by a meal right about now. "Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching. Seriously. I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?" I rolled my eyes and turned around. Anything to get me out of here by this point.

"Alright, you can turn around now," Blue said. I turned just in time to see a panel move away from the wall. "BAM! Secret panel. That I opened. While you back was turned. Pick me up. Let's get out of here. And off we go." I went through the passage and then some doors.

"Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually," I almost laughed. After all the trouble getting Blue off the rail, we had to follow it anyway. How's that for irony?

As we were walking (well, I was walking, Blue just sat in the energy field generated by my Portal Gun), we came up to a Turret stuck in a Tube. I started walking faster.

"Oh no," said Blue.

"Hello?" it said in a deceptively cute voice. I hoped it was out of bullets.

"Yes, hello. No, we're not stopping," said Blue. "Don't make eye contact, whatever you do," Yeah, I know. I've dealt with Turrets before.

"Excuse me," The Turret said again.

"No thanks, we're good. Appreciate it." Blue sounded nervous.

"I'm different," I stopped cold. I knew for a fact that that phrase wasn't part of a Turret's normal vocabulary.

"Take me with you," it sounded… sad.

"Keep moving, keep moving," Blue said. I snapped out of it. What was I thinking, sympathizing with a Turret? I'd gone soft. They were all like mini GLaDOSes without the incredible intelligence. They even sounded like little kid versions of GLaDOS.

I went through another door, leaving the Turret behind us. When we got through, we emerged in a very familiar hallway. Blue looked really nervous. More nervous than when we passed the different Turret.

"Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now. In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber," Oh crap. That explains a lot. It was the hallway to the Central AI Chamber, "And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake," well thank you Captain Obvious.

"If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us," I was not going to sit here forever. GLaDOS was deactivated. She had to be. The state of the facility proved it. She'd never let it fall apart like that. I went through the door.

"Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go," I could see her. Her pieces were scattered all over the place. I guess the gravity well had to drop her at some point.

"There she is...What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac. You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human," yeah. This human right here. I guess he didn't know of my valiant deed. I started walking through the chamber.

"I know! I know, I wouldn't have believed it either. Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since," two inconsistencies. One, I did not escape. The Party Escort Bot pulled me back in. I damn him to Android Hell. Two, how dare you call me a him, Blue. If you weren't my only salvation, I'd damn you to Android Hell as well.

"Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything," again, Captain Obvious. He really needed to stop. I went to the Emergency Intelligence Incinerator. I felt sorry for the Cores that I had incinerated. They weren't the ones trying to kill me. One of them probably tried to stop GLaDOS from killing me.

I noticed stairs behind it. That's odd. They hadn't been there when I killed GLaDOS.

"Okay, down these stairs," blue said. I went down them. There was a broken section a few meters down.

"Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it? You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip. Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs. Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip. So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens." I stood there waiting for his monologue to end. It was somewhat amusing. Then I jumped. He screamed. For a robot, he had a very large fear of heights.

"Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous," we went out onto a catwalk.

"AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it. AH! I've just done it again." I looked down anyway. I had no fear of free falling. The testing had made sure of that.

"I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge," who do you think I am, Curiosity? She'd go over the edge just so she could find out what was down there. We went into a room full of switches.

"This is the Main Breaker Room," and of course it's right under the Central AI Chamber.

"Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else. Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just-well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any-well, look at other things, but don't... you understand," he was rambling again. I looked for the switch labeled ESCAPE POD, but I couldn't see much of anything. It was too dark.

"Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what. Plug me in and I'll turn the lights on," Blue said. A port came out of the floor. I plugged him into it.

"'Let there be light,'" he said as he turned the lights on, "That was, uh... God. I was quoting God there," bonus points for knowing who God is. The floor started to turn.

"Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up..." don't you dare say that. If you say that, it's going to happen. Kind of like when you say, "It's too quiet in here," and then the bad guys suddenly pop out at you.

"Now, escape pod… escape pod," The floor started moving up, flipping switches as it went. I knew it. "It's… it's moving up. Okay, no. Don't worry. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. THIS should slow it down," the room started to go faster. "No makes it go faster,"

We got to the top fairly quickly after that.

"Power up initiated," the Announcer said. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. I knew I was going to die. There was no way GLaDOS would let me live after killing her. Blue started panicking and inputting random letters as passwords in an attempt to stop the power up. I was trying desperately trying not to panic. GLaDOS was gradually pulling herself back together.

"Power up complete," I was really starting to hate the Announcer. GLaDOS pulled herself up off of the ground. Most of her pieces were either missing or still scattered across the ground, which just made her seem even more terrifying.

"Oh, It's you," she said in a cold, robotic sounding voice that sent shivers down my spine. I almost wished it was still the time when I thought she was a series of pre-recorded messages. Almost.

"You know her?" Blue said. I had forgotten he was here. I blamed the giant 50-ft robot about to kill me.

"It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know. After you MURDERED me," she said, her voice seething with hatred. My terror limit had literally been reached by this point.

"Wait, you did WHAT?" Blue said. GLaDOS picked us both up with mechanical arms dangling from the ceiling. I stood corrected, I was even more terrified.

"Look, we both said a lot of things you're going to regret," she crushed Blue, "But I think we can put this all behind us, for Science, you monster," she started to move me towards the incinerator. "Though since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test. I love it, too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first."

Then, she dropped me into the Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.

**Wow. I just realised how long this chapter is. Over 4,000 words. I wouldn't be surprised if everybody reading this got bored halfway through and went to read something else. Apparently, trying to post each chapter as it is in the game was probably a bad idea. This wasn't even all of The Courtesy Call. I should probably make these shorter. **


	3. The Courtesy Call, Part 2

**Chapter 1 (part 2): The Courtesy Call (part 2)**

It seemed that I had been falling for awhile. I wished I would just reach the bottom. I swore it hadn't taken this long for the Cores to be incinerated.

Finally, I hit floor. My Long Fall Boots had automatically righted me in midair, so I landed on my feet. I had landed on metal that had gotten caught on the way down and hadn't been completely incinerated.

"Here we are. The incinerator room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here," GLaDOS said. "The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times."

I didn't really want to test, but I really had no choice other than to go along with GLaDOS. I walked along the bits of metal. It was hot in here. Maybe this was the place GLaDOS was referring to when she said Android Hell. I could see defective Turrets and other items fall from chutes. I came to some of the chute that were blocking my way. GLaDOS moved them for me. After a bit more walking, I saw the Portal Gun. It was trapped under panels and debris, though.

"There it is. Hold on…" she said, trying to move the panels out of the way, "There."

I grabbed the Portal Gun. It felt familiar in my hand. I looked at it closely. It was the same Portal Gun I had used when I had killed her. I remembered it perfectly, and the scratches and smudges on it were the same, except for a few scorch marks. It didn't just seem familiar. It was familiar.

"Good, you have a dual Portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead," GLaDOS said. I Portaled my way into a strikingly familiar room.

"Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk," for once, thank God for protocol. I wondered if GLaDOS had a Protocol Core. If there was, it would probably get along well with the Morality Core. I got stuck in part of the room. Then it dawned on was test chamber 19. I was going through it backwards. That explained why it was connected to the incinerator. This was the chamber where GLaDOS tried to incinerate me.

"Here, let me get that for you," she said, moving some panels so that I had a way into the next part.

"Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of Black Box Quicksave feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life for analysis. I was able to- well, forced really- to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever. You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge," she drew out the last word with venom in her voice. "Luckily, I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me."

Yea right, and my name was George Washington. I came to a point where some panels were in the way.

"I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck," making small talk? I knew GLaDOS was up to no good. I went to the lift behind the wreckage.

"But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life. After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe," GLaDOS said as I entered the lift. She was trying to get in my head. That never worked before, and it wasn't going to work now.

**Author's Note: Hello. This chapter is shorter than the last one, mostly because it's the rest of the last chapter. If the next one gets too long, then I'll split that one, too. It probably won't, though. I'm pretty sure that it's mostly test chambers, and I won't be doing all of those all the way through. Just the important ones, like the ones where Chell sees Wheatley. **


	4. The Cold Boot

**Chapter 2: The Cold Boot**

The lift came out in a hallway cluttered with more panels.

"Sorry about the mess. I've really let this place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that," GLaDOS' voice was oozing with sarcasm as she moved the panels out-of-the-way.

"Sarcasm Self-Test, complete," the Announcer said. I'm pretty sure he wasn't AI. All he did was give monotonous bad news.

"Oh, good. That's back online," so it wasn't before? "I'll start getting everything else ready while you perform these first simple tests, which involve deadly lasers and how test subjects react to being locked in a room with deadly lasers."

Wonderful. I was already getting Thermal Discouragement Beams. I went onto the victory lift and proceeded to redirect the Beam to the receiver, thus bringing the lift, and myself, to the door. The Thermal Discouragement Beams generally weren't very discouraging until you discovered what the thermal part meant.

"Not bad. I forgot how good you were at these. You should pace yourself, though. We have a LOT of tests to do," with emphasis on the LOT. The next test involved something called Discouragement Redirection Cubes. They made the Beam point in a different direction. But when I went to get the cube, a panel opened a bit, and I could've sworn I saw Blue's blue optic flashing briefly before the panel closed again. I Portaled into the blocked off section that contained the cube. Further investigation of the wall panel only served to show me that panels are tougher than they look.

I then took the cube into the main part of the test chamber and used it to complete the rest of the test.

"Well done. Here come the test results. You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says. A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that," GLaDOS said at the end. Wow. She decided on Death By Insult as my execution method. Wonderful.

In the next chamber, I noticed something odd. Part of the wall was just… missing. I went into it and fell four feet down. After recovering from my initial shock, I looked around. What was inside was just chaos. It was one of the dens. Drawings were all over the walls. It looked as if the creepy drawing guy who was also a stalker had been here. And recently by the looks of it. I could still smell the paint.

I heard a faint noise from the corner. Maybe it was the guy who painted the walls? I looked. No. It was a radio playing a song that sounded sad. The backing music was all pianos. I sat and listened. It was sad.

As I listened, I realized that the song was so similar to my own situation. Almost but not quite. It was almost if the stalker guy was singing for all those lost, both dead and alive, in the halls of Aperture, even if he hadn't been the one to sing it. I suddenly felt sorry for the guy. He was as trapped as I was. He wasn't a stalker. He was just a lonely soul who knew he wasn't alone but was too scared to even try to alert the only other person alive in the whole facility to the fact that he existed other than through incoherent drawings and writing on the wall. At least that's what I thought. I didn't have any way to find out.

I Portaled out of the den with new resolve. I would not let GLaDOS break my spirit. I was not only fighting for my own freedom, but another person's as well. I could not let her win. I finished the chamber and the next one as well. GLaDOS insulted my weight by calling me fat without actually calling me fat. Something about Stasis and malnourishment. I wasn't paying attention.

The fifth chamber had a new mechanic. GLaDOS called it an Aerial Faith Plate. It threw me. I got a Cube using the plate and continued on.

In chamber 6, GLaDOS left me by myself (or so she said) to go pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By herself . The test had Aerial Faith Plates. I catapulted myself towards the back of the chamber. There was a button that I had to press, and it shot out a whole bunch of stuff that wasn't the Cube I was looking for. There was a CD, a radio, a broken Turret, an Edgeless Safety Cube, a chair and some other stuff.

"Oh, sorry. Still cleaning out the test chambers. So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling. Being useless," GLaDOS said. I knew she hadn't really left. "So try to avoid the garbage hurtling toward you."

Crap. I dodged out of the way in the nick of time. Then I went to press the button again. As I did, I noticed that there was a section of broken wall in this chamber, too. I went to grab the radio. If it was a den, there might've been a transmission in it. A few of them made the Aperture radios play a strange noise. I found this out the first time I tested, when I still thought that I'd get cake.

I had to go back to the beginning and place my Portals in slightly different places than before to get to the hole. When I went on the Faith Plates, the Portals sent me in a completely different direction. I landed in the den.

It was similar to all the others I had seen. Drawings on the walls. I found an unopened can of beans. Yes! Food! I was starving. I ate the beans inside, not even caring that they were cold. They were food and that's what mattered. After I finished, I put the radio on the table. It started to emit a strange sound. It was high and squeaky and hurt my ears a bit. I couldn't find the source of the sound, though. After sitting in the room for a few minutes, I went back to solve the test.

The next test looked fairly straightforward. A Cube was to be placed in front of a Thermal Discouragement Beam. Except the Cube in question was not a Weighted Storage Cube. No. It was a Weighted Companion Cube. Remembering Test Chamber 17, I picked up the Companion Cube. It fizzled. What the?

"Oh, did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry," GLaDOS said. "Here. Have another one."

Another Companion Cube came out of the Pneumatic Diversity Vent. I picked it up. This time, GLaDOS didn't fizzle it until it touched the Beam.

"Oh. No. I fizzled that one too. Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them," Great. And I still felt guilty over incinerating mine. I didn't even know why. She sent me another Companion Cube, which, thankfully, didn't fizzle. I went onto the victory lift that came down and placed a Portal under the Companion Cube to move it. The lift brought me higher, but the test wasn't over. I then had to catapult my way to a button and then the door. Except I accidentally fell back onto the bottom of the chamber.

"Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life. Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto," she sent me another Companion Cube, and I heard the one up above fizzle. Dang. I started the test over and actually managed to get to the door that time.

"Every test chamber is equipped with an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill at its exit, so that test subjects cannot smuggle objects out of the test area. This one is broken. DON'T take anything with you," GLaDOS said right before I went through the door. That gave me an idea. I sent a Portal to the other side of the door and went back to get the Companion Cube. It felt good to save the Companion Cube finally. Then GLaDOS fizzled it right before I got on the lift.

"I think that one was about to say 'I love you,'" but I thought they would never speak or threaten to stab you. "They are sentient, you know. We just have a lot of them."

That explained a lot.

The next test had an Emancipation Grill right in the middle of it.

"This next test involves emancipation grills. Remember? I told you about them in the last test area, that did not have one," did she have to rub it in my face? I told myself not to answer that question. I heard a noise. "Oh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This test does require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version," then she just spouted a bunch of gibberish. "There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be right back."

My first thought: "What the hell? My second thought: Now to solve the test. It turns out I didn't actually need to remember what GLaDOS said in slow motion. The test wasn't even that hard to solve.

**Author's Note: Hello. I felt so sorry for all you people having to suffer through having chapter 1 so long that I put up two chapters in one day. I think. Also, the spellchecker on this website does not like cliches. Or overly complicated words. Or random verb clauses. Just a warning to anyone who might be using it. **

**The song Chell hears in test chamber 2 (i think) is Exile Vilify. You can actually find it in the game. Just walk up to the section of missing wall and walk right through it. It did remind me of Chell and her situation in Portal, but really I think it's more about Doug Rattmann. They're in very similar situations but Rattmann's is even more dismal. He doesn't have the same guarantee that GLaDOS will keep him alive for testing if she ever finds him. He also helped Chell destroy GLaDOS in the first place, which would make GLaDOS very likely to kill him if she ever finds him. His only friend is a talking Companion Cube (which cannot talk and, in fact, will not threaten to stab you). He is also (most likely) terminally insane. His schizophrenia prevents him from thinking clearly and causes him to have hallucinations and voices in is head. This would all combine with his paranoia to give him little chance of happiness or even survival. Chell at least has a chance. Rattmann might not even have that if he's even still alive in the first place. Think on this. I went to look up the meaning of the lyrics to see if I had it right, and here's one of the comments: "This would be a perfect song to commit suicide to."**

**I'm sorry for ending on such a morbid note, but I felt like something needed to be said about Exile Vilify and Rattmann. I've seen so many people interpret it as being about Chell, but I feel it's not. **

**Edit: Hello. I just played through test chamber 7 for the four billionth time, and apparently, GLaDOS doesn't actually say anything if you trap yourself. She just gives you a new Weighted Companion Cube. I think there are two more tests like that where you can, but she doesn't say anything. I'm still going to use the deleted lines. I might use some in other chambers as well because they're really funny. **


	5. The Return, Part 1

My life officially sucked. Period. No questions asked. I walked into the next chamber. There was an Aerial Faith Plate under a Portal surface. I could see another Portal surface up high over a ledge. I placed Portals on both of them, and then I stepped on the Faith Plate.

I didn't quite make it to the top. I was so preoccupied with that that I almost missed a rushed sentence from an all too familiar voice.

"Hey. Hey. It's me. I'm…" I fell before I could hear the rest. It was Blue. It was really Blue. Back on his management rail and everything. It was amazing. I was probably way too happy to see him, but I didn't care. He could help get me out. When I landed, though, the Faith Plate started to beep, and the blue light on it flashed yellow.

"Well I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal. You broke it, didn't you?" great, GLaDOS was back. I heard a few beeps, different from the ones coming from the Faith Plate. "There. Try it now," it stopped making noise and changing color. I went to go back on it. I hesitated. What if GLaDOS heard Blue? She wouldn't be nearly as lenient with him this time. She'd make absolute sure he was dead. I looked up. If I squinted, I could see his motion behind all the pipes and wires blocking him from view. I didn't want him to die; he was the only person who had ever been nice to me in Aperture. I went on the Faith Plate anyway. I didn't have much choice. There wasn't any other way to solve the test.

Again, I didn't quite reach my Portal. Again, I heard Blue.

"...never believe what happened. There I was just lying there you thought I was…" I fell again before he could finish. The Faith Plate started flashing and beeping again.

"Hmmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your generous...ness. I'll just add a few zeros to the maximum weight," GLaDOS said. "You look great, by the way. Very healthy," she continued as she added more than a few zeros. I went back on it. I still didn't reach the ceiling.

"... bloody bird. Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the…" again, I fell before he could finish.

"You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling," GLaDOS said. Dang. I wouldn't be able to talk to Blue. At least he was far back enough that he wouldn't get smooshed. The ceiling came down, making it so I couldn't see Blue any more. I shot some Portals and started flinging myself to grab a Discouragement Redirection Cube for a Thermal Discouragement Beam. As I flung myself up yo the final ledge so I could shoot the last Portals, GLaDOS decided she needed to give some input.

"Oh. Look at you soaring majestically through the air. Like and eagle. Piloting a blimp," she said. I bit back a snarky response. Who knew what my voice should sound like? What was her obsession with my weight anyway? I shot the final Portals so that the Beam shot into the receptacle on the wall.

In the next chamber, I somehow managed to trap myself again.

"If you thank trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you are sorely mistaken. Here's another cube," I got another Cube and managed to solve the rest of the test without incident. The next chamber had what seemed like a glowing blue bridge. I went up to it and tried to stand on it. It seemed solid enough.

"These bridges are made of natural light I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it," GLaDOS warned. Note to self: do not rub cheek on… what were they called. I went to the emitter. It said Hard Light Bridge Emitter, so I guessed that the bridge was called a Hard Light Bridge. Note to self: do not rub cheek on Hard Light Bridges.

I went to stand on it, more wary this time. It seemed solid enough, but since it was made of light, I wasn't so sure anymore. There was a deep pit nearby. I looked down into it, and regretted it. The pit was full of Goo. I remembered the first time I saw Goo.

"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your testing record followed by death. Good luck," she had said. I had almost laughed at that statement until, a few chambers after the room with 'the cake is a lie,' I had almost fallen into the Goo and gotten some on my arm. I had laid on the floor, alternating moaning and screaming in pain for hours afterwards, only able to think of the excruciating pain emanating from the spot. I still had a scar from that. In fact, that was the entire reason I didn't talk anymore. I was afraid of my voice having been blown out.

I felt queasy. Falling in the Goo would not be a pleasant way to die. I wasn't afraid of the heights or anything. I wasn't even afraid of falling. I was afraid of landing in the Goo. Somehow, I managed to get through the chamber. I was so relieved that I didn't even care when GLaDOS compared me to a shark and called me pointlessly cruel.

"Good news. I figured out what I'm going to do with the money I save recycling your one roomful of air," I had forgotten about that. Apparently, GLaDOS took the CO2 from a room, did something to it and put it back in due to the fact that it was too expensive to pump down air from the surface. All that was was proof that we were underground. "When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way, future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure," GLaDOS continued. Were there even future generations there to worry about having my… wait a second. I didn't have an unfortunate bone structure.

When I got to the door to the chamber, it started to spark and emit smoke.

"Perfect. The door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to go and repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything," GLaDOS said. I was wondering what made the door malfunction when I saw a motion at the corner of my eye. I whirled around and couldn't believe what I saw behind a glass wall in the hallway.

**Author's Note: Hello. I'm back. I would say cliffhanger, but I'm pretty sure all of you know what's behind the wall because I'm pretty sure all of you have played Portal 2. If you haven't played Portal 2, however, why are you even reading this? Go finish the game. Did I not have SPOILER ALERT in big letters on the first chapter? Wait, I can't remember. I need to check. If you haven't played Portal 2, get out of this fic and go play Portal 2. You will be missing a lot of cool stuff if you don't. **

**Anyway, I'm sorry this cut off where it did. It's 1:30 in the morning and I need some sleep. Will continue soon, though. I'm also sorry that the 2 in CO2 is big. does not like subscripts. **

**P.S. Lukeskywal, I'm sorry if the long update time made it look like I was abandoning. I have three reasons for that. One, my internet sucks. Two, I'm currently working on two other fics. Three, I don't have much time to type this. Four, I'm really lazy. Sorry about that. Still working on the suspense, though. **


	6. The Return, Part 2

**Chapter 3 (part 2): The Return, Part 2**

It was Blue.

"Hey, hey. Up here," it sounded like he was trying to be sneaky. He probably was due to the fact that he was probably the one who made the door malfunction. "I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em right into the door mechanism. shut it right down. I- AGHH," he broke off, yelling, as a bird flew at him.

"BIRD! BIRD! BIRD! BIRD!" he yelled. After a few moments, it flew away. Blue sounded out of breathe, which made no sense. He was a 'bot, and the 'bots didn't need to breath.

"That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs. Livid," he said. "Okay, look, the point is, We're gonna break out of here. Very soon. I promise, I promise. I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here."

He suddenly looked alarmed.

"Here She comes. Keep testing. Remember, you never saw me. Never saw me," Blue said before speeding out of sight.

"I went and spoke with the Door Mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing," GLaDOS said. I shuddered. Poor Door Mainframe. I went into the test and solved it in record time. Or I would've if I hadn't found the den in the ceiling. It was as empty as all the others with more random scribbles on the walls for added effect.

"Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did well... Enough,'" that was just plain mean. I went into the elevator.

"This next test involves Turrets," GLaDOS said. Crap. "You remember them, right? The pale, spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds."

At least it wasn't too hard. It mainly involved dropping Weighted Storage Cubes on the Turrets. I felt bad for them, somehow. Yes, they were trying to shoot me, but that's what GLaDOS told them to do.

I tested for a few more chambers, alert for any sign of Blue trying to break me out of Aperture. The time passed uneventful. Unless you count GLaDOS telling me that there's adrenal vapor in the air (that explains why I never really got tired), yesterday was my birthday, she wanted to do a medical procedure on me (why am I not surprised) and that my jumpsuit looked stupid on me as eventful. I also managed to get myself stuck in test chamber 15. On purpose.

In test chamber 16, GLaDOS said that she had a surprise for me (crap). I also had to blow up Turrets with a Thermal Discouragement Beam. There was one Turret, however, that seemed out of place. It was at the beginning of the chamber, in a small hole in the wall. It looked like the Turret was guarding something. I maneuvered the Beam so that the Turret blew up and crawled through the hole.

I thought I was hallucinating. There were four Turrets that weren't shooting me. But that wasn't even the strange part. The weirdest part was that they were… singing.

_What the hell? _I thought. The song wasn't bad either. It was kind of fast and upbeat, reminding me of a song my mother used to sing. Something about bickering wives. I laughed when I thought of Turrets being wives.

_Turret Wife Serenade. That's what I'll call it. _I turned around to see another Turret facing right at me. I yelped and dashed behind a box. This one didn't look like it was shooting either. I got a good look at it. It was much bigger and much fatter than any of the other Turrets I'd seen. Was it a new design? I decided to call it the Prime Turret. Just for fun. The rest of the den was pretty much the same as the rest. I waited to leave until the Turrets stopped singing, though. It sounded nice.

Test chamber 17 had a den, too. I shot a Hard Light Bridge into a hole in the wall. It was the same, but it was also different. There was… something about this den that made me stop and really look around. I got close to the paintings. Wait. There was something different. I could almost hear… I wasn't sure. It sounded almost like a man was rambling behind the wall. It was barely there. I looked around the rest of the den. It looked the same. Except for the mutterings. Was I going insane?

There was a fan in the floor and a Portal surface below it. I Portaled down. I could just barely hear the sounds if I got really close to the wall. I couldn't find anything else, though, no matter how hard I looked. I Portaled out of the chamber and went to face the entrance just in time to see the lone figure of a man standing in the shadows. Then the panels shut and I could see him no longer. I realized one thing from that. He had been in the room with me the entire time, and I never realized it.

In the scribblings on the wall, I had seen bits and parts of a name. I finally had something to call him. Something to name the nameless. Rattmann. The Rat Man. He was the Rat Man of Aperture. I finished the test and GLaDOS assured me that we were going to my surprise. I didn't care. I was thinking of ways to get the Rat Man out with me.

**Author's Note: Hello. Just a note. The Rattmann den with the singing Turrets actually exists. And the song they sing is called Turret Wife Serenade (I have no idea why). And in the last Rattmann den (in test chamber 17) the panels do move to block off the exit. There is not, however, a figure in the opening in the game. That's something I made up. **


End file.
